What is an event that has had a major impact on how you see the world?

The most shocking, scarring experience of my life was without a doubt the death of my cousin. I was in the 4th grade when it happened, and I didn't know much about the world. I had never had a major event even close to the magnitude of my cousin's taking of his own life occur. Whenever I heard the words come out of my mother's mouth, I couldn't even process it. It wasn't until about 20 minutes later when I got in the shower that I really understood what happened. I bawled my eyes out, collapsing on the floor, desperately trying to get a grip on the whole situation.

I guess I should provide a little bit of background information: My cousin, Connor, lived in New Hampshire. He was 14 when he passed, a freshman in high school, just as I am now. He was an extraordinarily smart kid, a lover of the Boston Red Sox, my favorite team. He, his younger brother Drew, and his mom, Aunt Tara (aka Uncle Fred) would usually visit on Thanksgivings. Those are some of my fondest childhood memories. I would talk on the phone with Connor for up to an hour or more sometimes about the Red Sox and our young baseball careers as well as other things that we enjoyed. He made eagle scout just after his death, something he had always wanted. He was not around for long, but he touched many hearts while he was.

I flew to New Hampshire about 2 days later and I was there for a few days. I am going to be very brief because I did not enjoy it. The funeral sucked. The reception sucked. I hated it. I cried, cried, and cried. I didn't understand why people were eating and drinking and laughing after such a horribly sad occurrence. It was the first funeral I had ever been to and I hated every last second of it.

The impact that this event had on my life is beyond expression. I think about Connor every day. I miss him so dearly sometimes as I watch the Red Sox play, or on his birthday, or on the day he died. I went trough a period of a couple months after his death where I felt like half of a person. As man always does though, I was forced to move on, but there are some things I did that the only reason I did them is because of his death. 

I was determined to make the next funeral I went to not as miserable as the first. The next one happened to be 2 years later, the death of my grandfather. I gave a eulogy at that funeral. Another thing that started to come up as I got older was kill yourself jokes between friends. I tell my close friends that I don't like those type of jokes and I never use them myself. I look at the world differently in that I value life so much more than I did before. I was forced to grow up a little bit quicker after this incident. Although it was a horrible tragedy, it taught me these noble lessons. 

Note: If you read this, my aunt does Connor's Climb every year in New Hampshire and I was thinking about doing it here this year. It is a 5k that raises money for suicide awareness. I would love to get lots of people involved. It is a great cause and it could help bring us together as a community. Comment what you think below.